soith

For those of my friends who still use LJ, most of you should already know why I haven't been around..

"Asshat" and I got married in February! He decided to take the big chance. So far, we're very very happy!

He made things so complicated. Who knows, maybe things won't work out, but we're sure gonna give it our best shot.

Much love to those that kept up with the 2.5 years of drama.

:) Happily,

Me

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Quality Time
with a secondary love language being
Physical Touch.

Complete set of results

Quality Time:		9
Physical Touch:		8
Words of Affirmation:		6
Acts of Service:		5
Receiving Gifts:		2

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

Your dating personality profile: Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate. Practical - You are a down-to-earth individual who is not impressed with material excess. You care about the stuff of like that really matters. Adventurous - Just sitting around the house is not something that appeals to you. You love to be out trying new things and really experiencing life.

Your date match profile: Funny - You consider a good sense of humor a major necessity in a date. If his jokes make you laugh, he has won your heart. Athletic - You aren't looking for a couch potato. You seek someone who is active and who keeps his body in top shape. Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living.

Your Top Ten Traits 1. Liberal 2. Practical 3. Adventurous 4. Funny 5. Sensual 6. Athletic 7. Intellectual 8. Outgoing 9. Wealthy/Ambitious 10. Big-Hearted

Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Funny 2. Athletic 3. Practical 4. Adventurous 5. Shy 6. Conservative 7. Big-Hearted 8. Sensual 9. Wealthy/Ambitious 10. Intellectual

Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at Dating Diversions

Thank you for what was some of the best 28 hours I've ever had.

I love you.

We're going to do this and make it work wonderfully!

MSN mini resolutions, Gemini and Cancer for me.. Virgo Libra for you...

2007 mini previews  same signs

December 31, 2006 It's New Year's Eve Day, and the current planetary aspect may encourage you to be even more serious than usual. If you and your loved one are considering making an even deeper commitment to each other and strengthening the bond, then you will both want to think about this and discuss the implications of doing so. However, once you have seen that it will work, you may cut loose and decide to celebrate. It is a holiday, after all! Happy New Year!

The Moon is making you feel sensitive and romantic today, whereas the High Priestess is encouraging you to be discreet and have patience. These cards suggest that you are fantasizing about a relationship that could fulfill your dream of perfect love, dear Brienne, but you don't dare to talk to the person who occupies your thoughts. Maybe you have the feeling you're in for a disappointment?

(that's impossible, I couldn't be more disappointed)

We can always remember the past, but we only get one chance for today.
2006

1. broke a promise: Yes.
2. made a new best friend: No.
3. went behind your parents back: No.
4. cried over a broken heart: Yes.
5. disappointed someone close: Yes.
6. hid a secret: Yes.
7. pretended to be happy: Yes.
8. got arrested: Nope.
9. kissed in the rain: Nope.
10. slept under the stars: Nope.
11. kept your new years resolution: I didn't make one!
12. forgot your new years resolution: ^
13. met one of your idols: I don't have idols.
14. changed your outlook on life: Yes.
15. sat home all day doing nothing: Yes.
16. pretended to be sick: Nope.
17. almost died: Twice I can think of.
18. given up something important to you: 3 things, one person.
19. lost/broke something expensive: yes.
20. learned something new about yourself: Everyday.
21. tried something you normally wouldn’t try and liked it: Yeah.
22. found out who your true friends were: Yep, still learning.
23. met great people: Yep.
24. snuck out of the house: Actually, yes.
25. stayed up til sunrise: Yes.
26. met someone from myspace in person: Hahaha a couple.
27. cried over the silliest thing: Yes.
28. had friends who were drifting away from you: Yes.
29. had someone close to you die: Not close to me, but close to my friends.
30. wasted most of your money on food: Food is always a waste.
31. had a fist fight: No.
32. went to the beach: Yes.
33. saw a celebrity: Unfortunately.
34. gotten sick: *sniff* Yes.
35. liked more than 5 people at the same time: Is that possible?
36. became closer to some of your friends: Yes.
37. fall in love with someone that was just a friend: Yes.
38. fall in love at all: Yes.
39. lose any friends: I guess.
40. make any new friends: Yes.
41. make any new enemies: I don't have enemies. But I dislike a handful of people.
42. develop any new hobbies: Yes.
43. get older: No, I got younger.
44. do anything you regret: Yes.
45. go to any parties: Yes.
46. accomplish anything: Learned a lot..
47. make much money: Every fucking day.
48. attend a wedding: Two..
49. attend a funeral: No.
50. get any new family members: In-laws.
51. move away: Thats just fucking hilarious.
52. gain any new perspectives: Yes.
53. get into a verbal fight: Yes.
54. get into a physical fight: No.
55. attend any sporting events: Tons of Suns and Diamondback games
56. wreck your car: Not yet.
57. get a new car: No.
58. make any big purchases: Yes.
59. get fired from a job: Quit a few.
60. get offered a job: Yes!
61. get a raise at a job: Yep.
62. learn anything: Everyday
63. dump your bf/gf: Yes.
64. get dumped by your bf/gf: Yes.
65. develop any new health problems: Oui.
66. change as a person: Yes.. too much, I'm afraid.
67. get any new piercings: No
68. get any new tattoos: No
69. attend a concert: No
70. crowd surf: huh?
71. travel out of state: Every month.
72. read any books: Tons.
73. travel out of the country: Not this year
74. spend much money: Yes.
75. download any music: Yes.
76. try out any new looks: Yes.
77. sign up for a myspace: Last year
78. sign up for a facebook: yes
79. eat a food that you had never eaten before: Tons.
80. go golfing: No.
81. go bowling: No.
82. start to resent something or someone that you used to like: Yes.
83. different places did you work: 4
84. times did you go out drinking: Uncountable.
85. times did you smoke marijuana: Classified.
86. drugs did you take: All legal.
87. times did you have health problems: Depends who you ask
88. times did you go to the movies: A lot.
89. concerts did you attend: None
90. people did you make out with: 2. I regret one.
91. people did you have sex with: 2.
92. people tried to have sex with you: A few.
93. times did you get your ass kicked: Never.
94. crushes did you have: 2.
95. times did you attend church: 1.
96. bad habits did you pick up: None.
97. "rough nights" did you have: Wtf is that?
98. your favorite day of the year: Every day is the same
99. your favorite band: depends on the mood.
100. your least favorite day of the year: Christmas.
101. your favorite movie of the year: Deja Vu
102. your favorite song of the year: Goodbye Lover -James Blunt
103. the most expensive thing you stole: Nothin
104. the biggest event you attended: Game 6, Dallas at Phoenix
105. something that didn't change at all this year: Shitty people.
106. your favorite holiday: Halloween.
107. were you in a hospital this year: No.
108. were you in an ambulance this year: No.
109. did you make any big confessions in "06: Yes.
110. did you make friends with anyone of the opposite sex that you love: Yes.
111. embarrassed about anything you did this year: Yes.
112. what's the best thing to happen to you this year: Moving on, growing up.
113. did you meet anyone that you could see yourself marrying: Nope.
114. did anyone you have no feelings for confess to having feelings for you: Not exactly no feelings for.
115. did you vote this year: Nope.
116. did you bring sexy back this year: Everyday.
117. was 2006 a great year, an average year or a bad year: Pretty shitty toward the end with a few good months.
118. what goals did you set for 2007? I make new goals everyday, and accomplish them everyday.

So leave regrets to yesterday.

You suck as a boyfriend person lately.

Never call, never write, never send flowers... qq..

Geez.. Its bad enough I don't get to see you, distance sucks, but normally you're such a good little LDR boyfriend.

December 25, 2006 A love relationship may be going so well, Brienne, that both of you feel it's time to move to the next level of commitment. If your relationship is casual, expect it to become monogamous; if it's monogamous but not committed, commitment may result. If the commitment exists but isn't formalized, one of you might propose making it legal. Whichever it is, you're both in the perfect space to evolve together.

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

Love, its not constant joy or affection. Its the sacrifices and the struggles. The bonds that tie us so closely together that life would cease to make sense without those people we care so deeply about. I think its the thing that gives us hope and a desire to push forward. Humans are such fragile creatures. As time goes on, I think that our instinctual drives get weaker and weaker. We become more dependent on the people that surround us to give us a purpose for living rather than just living for the sake of it. We create all these phantoms that haunt us on a daily basis. These intangible things that we strive for and use to justify our lives. These silly ideas that evolve from mole hills to mountains.

A distraction... The curtain inhales and exhales with deep breaths as if to be in meditative contemplation. As if to say... "Breathe, Relax, and Let Go... Things don't have to be so complicated."

golackey

So, I had this fleeting feeling of hope again.  When you said you just woke up at 9:30pm, my first thought was that you took a nap to make a 15 hour or so drive.  I really knew better.. I keep hoping, but nothing ever changes.

December 21, 2006 A present astral energy brings you to that point where you realize that talking has really helped you to understand that you are ready to make a deeper commitment to a special person. What this now entails is even more talking, but in such a way that it encourages you both to think about your future and the way your lives together could pan out. Go for it!

Today you’re placed under the watchful eyes of the Emperor and the World, Brienne. You dream of finding emotional fulfillment. You’re less interested now in the unknown, in new openings and new encounters. You want to find long-term happiness and stability and even begin to create a home. As far as your emotional life goes, you have everything you could wish for.  On the work front, Judgment and the Emperor herald rapid and radical changes that are advantageous to you as you try to turn an ambitious project into reality. You’re greeted with numerous opportunities to develop your plans and to secure the future of your ideas; to think up innovative, but effective, ways of working. You set out the milestones of your future career path with confidence.

Sometimes they're so what I wanna hear and stuff.

wicked_affair wrote:

A sense of entertainment
“I love you” means nothing here
A passing phrase
A term of momentary endearment to e forgotten
Within the hour
(you’re not good enough for the real thing)
Be seduced by the sweetness
But don’t believe the lie
White as they consider it to be,
A lie is still a lie.
No girl, they don’t mean to hurt you
They just don’t care
(you’re not good enough)
Don’t cry now, your tears are worthless here
They’re as invisible as the wall you’re curled up against
And just as meaningless
(you’re just not good enough to be seen)
Why? Why what?
Why don’t they care?
Why don’t they want you?
Dear girl, haven’t you been listening?
You’re not good enough.

Make it 15 in a row and counting for the Phoenix Suns!!!!!!!!!!!

Phoenix  18-6

Miami  11-13


Haha... Love ya..

Huh.

You didn't even ask.

"Ruben wants to finally materialize, kinda."

That was written in May 2005.

Still kinda.

I need to grow the fuck up and move on.

Someone as angry as I am... Wow... http://imperfection247.livejournal.com/

A very wise friend, when I told her a cliff note version, and asked her:  What can happen to a great relationship to make it not work? Or that makes someone decide that it isn't worth trying?

Answered:

One would hope that a smart couple would have gotten things like life's ambitions (kids, chucking it all and moving to Tahiti, traveling with the circus, whatever) discussed before it moved to marriage.

I would like to think that a truly committed couple could weather changes that happen during the time of marriage, like illness, job demands, etc. But, not everyone is strong enough to make sacrifices and compromises for the sake of the relationship.

 Someone is going to be "the loser" in most of those instances, especially where jobs and money are concerned. To me, the secret would be to accept that I may be the "loser" in the short term, but the relationship will win in the long run.

Your results:
You are Catwoman

Catwoman 90% Wonder Woman 87% Spider-Man 80% Supergirl 77% Green Lantern 75% The Flash 65% Batman 55% Iron Man 55% Robin 50% Hulk 50% Superman 45%

You have had a tough childhood, you know how to be a thief and exploit others but you stand up for society's cast-offs.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

Too late.. Remember how I told you I didn't want to leave, because I knew you'd realize it when it was too late. Guess what..? It's too late. There was no reason to let me go. There was no reason for you to not be here by Thanksgiving weekend. There is no reason in the world you couldn't take time off work to be here. People take time off for stupider reasons. Priorities is a word I'm sure you've come to hate, but even by its own definition, it's an important word.
Priority:
1. the state or quality of being earlier in time, occurrence, etc.
2. the right to precede others in order, rank, privilege, etc.; precedence.
3. the right to take precedence in obtaining certain supplies, services, facilities, etc., esp. during a shortage.
4. something given special attention.
–adjective
5. highest or higher in importance, rank, privilege, etc.: a priority task.

I don't feel like I'm anywhere in your top priorities. We had an awesome, amazing relationship. We were best friends, which to me is the most important part in a relationship, communication, trust, constancy, love, devotion, self-sacrifice, all of those are important to me.

You know that I'm ready to be done, you know that I think that you are doing a "last ditch effort". That scares the shit out of you, you know you fucked up. You know we were good together.

Fly here, get married over a weekend, oh, can we??!!??!! That's how I always imagined it!! You, being afraid of losing me, taking sacred vows and using them to hold me. Ain't no way! I wanted very much to marry you. I wanted to be your wife, love, cherish, hold you. But, I wanted you to be my husband, my supporter, my love, the one who would do anything for me, including self-sacrifice.


This apartment stuff?? It was supposed to be a couple thing, it was supposed to be fun. It was supposed to be "a step". Its turned into a chore, an aruguement, a race against time.

I want to be special. I want to be the most important thing. I want whoever I'm with to feel the same way about me that I do about them. And I deserve all of that.

I can't think of a thing you can do to make things right. You should have been here Thanksgiving weekend. You should have known I was important to you enough to not let me leave in the first place.

Should've, would've, could've...

Too late.

I'm over it. I'm done.

Today we had lunch, had a great day, I was sorry it had to end... We went to the Outlet mall, got him new breakaway pants, just had fun.

I had two job interviews, one was a working interview, I was there till noon. Feel good about that one, the second was at a physical therapy office, not so interested in that one.

When we were at Macaroni Grill, the waiter asked what the occasion was, I said nothing, we just go out to eat often together.. Something I enjoyed.

Little did I know it would be the last time.

He had to go to Houston that evening for work, said he'd be home bout midnight, never called, never came home.

Crazy thing. How happy I am here in Texas with him. Every moment I spend with him is wonderful... That is, until I bring up our living arrangements or the future of our relationship.

I've never enjoyed spending time with someone as much as I do him. Playing games, watching TV, reading, just talking, even cooking with/for.

But I want in our own place. I don't know anyone that would be content to live with thier "in-laws" without needing to. Its not financial, the reason we're here. Its not medical, its nothing.. There is no reason.

I can't do it anymore. I love him with everything, but we need our own place, I need my own space. I need to be able to be nekkid wherever, to have my own kitchen to cook in, to have my own couch to cozy on.

I hope he'll be able to agree.

Well, I am lost in my thoughts again, not sure exactly which way I really feel. Am I happy? Am I settling? I really don't know. I think I love you, most of the time, I'm sure... But then sometimes I wonder if I even know what happiness is. There is no doubt when I'm with you it feels right. But...

I think I'm ready to go home. I have thought more about going to storage and putting everything in the car and just going, than I have about staying. I don't know if that is what I want. I know that would be easier. I know I'd have more control of things that way. Go home, get help with my bills, go to school full time, actually do something with my life.

I mean, we still live with your parents, why should I think we'll ever accomplish anything? I don't want a sub-par life. I expect more than that.

Complicated. Thats how I feel atm.

despite all this clarity and new beginnings that i've been so strongly feeling, i am still struggling internally with my emotions. i care too easily, and often with too much of myself. i forgive, and see the other person's side and issues and feelings far too fast, and have to fight with all that i'm trying to be not to be that girl i've always been. the one who puts her needs in second or third or basically last place because of trying to make another person, and that other person's life, happy. typically forgetting all about what makes me happy, what my desires are, what my needs look like. and, even though i tend to be forward and honest, and take giant leaps with feelings of like, or sometimes love, i still end up the one who crashes, folding up my initial brave and open vulnerability, and becoming the girl that just accepts anything she's given, agrees to wait, to not give up; even though she sits lonely and thinks that honestly, it isn't supposed to be like this.

i don't know, maybe it's admirable that i give people a chance to be who they say they really are, that i don't just drop people who mess up, who trip and fall, or treat you poorly because of external obstacles, and issues. maybe it is because the first thing i see in just about everyone is their beauty, the good sides, potential and possibilities. it never seems to fail, though, that my "on the bright side" vision turns me blind to what is probably clear as day, and bright as a neon strip joint sign; and yet i try to pretend that reality is something more, that words are believable, and that intentions are ever the best.

yeah, i know. what a stupid girl i can be.

it meant something to me, even when i started out not wanting it to mean something to me. changed my mind, you did. brought out something a little wild in me, a little free, and a whole lot of forward. and, i am trying. i'm trying to not give up on you. i'm trying to believe that there is something there that is bigger then all the obstacles and schedules, then the way you connect less and less with me by the day, then the way you brushed me off and treated me like i meant nothing in a place that should have held at least a grain of significance, since we met there.

i paint it into something beautiful everytime i try to reach out to you, i remember that night into morning, and the way we could talk, or not talk. the way we seemed to make each other a little nervous, a lot excited, and at least in the beginning -- mutually interested. how long do i keep painting this a good thing? how many phone calls do i dodge from other interested parties? how many more dates do i turn down? all just because i'm this stupid girl who really likes you? the one who keeps trying to believe.

the honest truth? last week hurt, and as much as i want to believe it will change, it hurts even more to think i'm just being foolish.

or, maybe i should have cut off my damn dangling loose by a thread heart right clean from my sleeve, and have done with all of feeling like this.

This morning I woke up thinking about trying to figure out what is really important to me. I won't go into all of the things, but unequivocally, my relationship with you is in the top. I don't know exactly what I want from it or from you anymore, it seems to change now. I knew at one point, I'd have laid down my life for what I believed in... It just worries me because I don't know what I believe in now. I don't know if we'd work, I don't know if we could be happy or help each other to be happy anymore. You've changed so much from the happy, easy to please, easy to love man that I so completely fell for. And I went from cynical and jaded to blindly stupid in love, back to ha! I was right to be cynical and jaded...

Are you sure we shouldn't just let go? Are you sure it will eventually be as it should?

I can forgive you for your indiscretion, mine weren't indiscretions, I knew what I was doing, I was/am single. you weren't.

Something has to be done soon. Not the action itself, but the plans, in writing, signed in blood. I'm tired of waiting, as I said, someday never comes. I want a date. I want a consequence to you backing out again, I want it over if it doesn't come to be this time.

Not cuz I don't love you, but cuz I love myself.

Today is Sunday, I haven't gotten to talk to you much this weekend. I miss that. I miss the way you used to want to talk to me as much as I wanted to talk to you. I'm not looking forward to work tomorrow, one lil reason, that its damn near 8 hours I won't get to hear your voice, altho after this weekend, I'm a lil bit more conditioned for it... it should be a breeze.

You are becoming somewhat like my friend Gillian, you know how I say she's so undependable, you can depend on that? You're getting there. Mostly about our relationship. There are other little things tho, the computer monitor, mailing my pictures back, calling me on time, hmm pretty much doing anything, when I really think about it. But its the relationship one that bothers me the most right now. You said we'd have a discussion this weekend. Well, its almost over now, and so far we haven't discussed shit. And there's no way in hell I'm going to remind you. In my mind it doesn't exist anyway.

I really did quit believing in us, hoping... There's no point in my sitting here thinking.. Someday.. cuz quite frankly, a long time ago, I learned someday never comes.

The job I have is do-able, not completely unpleasant, it'll pay my bills and then some. Guess it'll do for now. And since I have given up, I've enrolled at GCC. Not sure what my course of study is going to be yet. I'm stuck between gen-ed, psych, cj, and nursing. of course best and quickest pay-off is nursing.. altho it sounds to me to be the least exciting.

I do love you. I do hope that these decisions we've made, or decisions you haven't made, are the right ones. I will miss you, I will miss the dreams I had of us, the family, the whole enchilada. Mom is so right, its the death of the dream that does hurt the most. But when you finally take a breath and accept that it's dead, (d-e-d), it helps. The pain still is there, and it'll creep back on me and kick my ass every so often, but overall, it's okay.

I wish the best for you, the job etc. I'm glad you have your family there, I'm glad the relationship you have with them is as awesome as it is. (altho if you didn't, maybe you'd have needed me more)

This isn't a goodbye letter by any means, its just a get it out of my fucking head letter. I'll feel better when it's done.. Yep.. satisfied now. :)

create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

The irony of listing Austin second... too damn funny.

I watch you walk into the night~
You try not to look back and see her tears flow
You feel her love in your presence go
You want to turn around and snatch it back
Instead you keep walking, looking straight ahead
You know it could never work
Your tears now begin to flow

You hear her scream~
Scream not of terror, or hurt
But of love
Lost love
You finally look back but only to see
The tiny little body lying beneath a tree
You run back with gun in hand
Only to find that it’s too late
The love has gone way beyond the gate.


**Written by 13 years ago by my best friend at the age of 15.. Jamie, you still write beautifully!